It recently came to my attention that a friend of mine somehow found my blog. It was unclear while we were yelling at each other over a table at a Mardi Gras party how she came across it, and the two jell-o shots we had just slurped up didn't help clear it up, but nonetheless she found it.
I was surprised and little embarrassed. while I don’t think there is anything on here that I have to be embarrassed about (although a committed sleuth could prove me wrong), but it made me realize I haven't written anything on here in over a year! A lot of things have happened over the past year, and lot of my life remains largely the same. Those in my family, circle of friends, and periphery have had life changing events, and some have found their groove, enjoying the simplicity of knowing exactly what the next few years of their lives will bring.
Thinking about this blog, I realized I'm not entirely sure why I started it. My first post was all the way back in 2003, consisted of a sad excuse for a sentence, and God help me ended with 'BYEZ'. It has been viewed by a whole... well, zero people. It’s a beautiful representation of the life of a teenaged girl from 2003 Tsawwassen.
In my friend group in high-school, those with something to say started a blog hoping anyone and everyone would listen. I had neither anything to say, nor people to listen. This apparently didn't seem faze me as I continued to write intermittent posts for the better part of 2003 and 2004. I discovered post titles and a general theme to a post fairly quickly, but it’s still unclear why I was even doing it. I reference what I can only imagine are teenage crushes, so vague and nonchalantly, the best cryptographers wouldn’t be able to figure out who I was talking about, and quite frankly, wouldn’t care.
I started trying to bring some kind of interest in at some point by citing a Word of the Day, poached from Dictionary.com. There was quite a gap during my GAP year (sorry for the pun, it couldn’t be avoided), and I tried to start again when I got home. There were so many experiences I had while I was in England, so many amazing people I met, and a few I no desire to meet again. I can only imagine I was so busy processing it all, I never got a chance to write it down. I am only the tapestry of those experiences and lessons learned, and cannot go back in time I relive them.
2006 and 2007 were okay, and I literally didn’t post once in 2008. My first post in 2009 was in July, which would have been 2 months after my dad passed away. I don't mention it all in the post, but it's pretty obvious I got some real shit going on in my head.
Sporadic posts followed into 2009 and 2010, two whole posts in 2011 and flurry of writing briefly reigned in 2012, where I started my 'designing' sign-off. (read: A 10 whole posts, almost one a month).
2013 to 2016 saw 10 posts over 3 years, and I completely ignored my 10 year anniversary of even having this blog, although I think that’s for the best as it's not the best representation of my commitment, writing skills, or desire to stick to one thing for any extended period of time.
These on again, off again whirlwinds of writing give me a few hints to my hesitation behind writing down my thoughts and feelings in such a public setting. I refuse to be venerable to outside world. I always have. I won't cry or break down in public. I rarely freak out or yell. I wouldn't be surprised if clutching onto my feelings like this is in some part the cause of the terrible migraines I get, or if one day I might snap, but for right now, that’s neither here nor there. I don't know why I started doing it, and I suppose I could delve into my sub-conscience or childhood to figure it out, but I'm okay for now. That trait is a part of me.
So, what, you may ask, is all this leading to? The answer, I have no freaking idea. In writing this post, I have certainly remembered how much I love writing, and absolutely want to get back to it. I don't know what it will look like, what I will write, and who will read it, but stay tuned, you might even get a few wise words out me yet. This is, if I reviewed my previous posts correctly, the third time I've said I should, or want, or will write here more often. Let's see if it sticks this time.
designing... well... my life, what ever that may be